Sam: Which half of this puzzle is harder, Kurt, the first half or the second half?

Kurt: If you ask me, I-

Sam: Or does it come in thirds? If so, the third part isn't that big.

Kurt: Actually, I was going to ask you-

Sam: And the first third being larger than the second. Much larger.

Kurt: It's really annoying the way you keep interrupting me.

Sam: Oh, sorry. Sometimes I'm so-

Kurt: Rude. I know. Just like my friend, Mr. Emu.

Sam: Who's that?

Kurt: Who, Mr. Emu?

Sam: Who else? Of course that's who I mean.

Mr. Emu: Hello, gentlemen! Would you like to buy some clues from Puzzles, Inc?

Sam: You must be Mr. Emu! How do you do?

Mr. Emu: Good, thanks. Oh, and you can call me Tom.

Sam: Tom, I don't need any clues. I know the answer. Besides, I bet your clues aren't cheap...

Kurt: He may know the answer, Tom, but he doesn't know the question. But if he won't buy them, I will.

Mr. Emu: So, he knows the answer, and you know the question... then I have some customers, don't I!

Kurt: Sure do. Why didn't you ever tell me you work for Puzzles, Inc?

Mr. Emu: What's it to ya?

Kurt: Well, never mind. How much does a clue cost?

Mr. Emu: Okay, Sam. I'll do that by making some changes in you. Just remember, you asked...

Sam: May I ask what manner of modifications you had in mind? I didn't dream you possessed such power!

Kurt: I get it! He's made your very words give clues to the puzzle!

Sam: Ludicrous! Listen, if you lured me into an unwilling lobotomy, I'll lay a lawsuit on Puzzles, Inc!

Kurt: Sam! You don't seem to understand what he's done to you!

Sam: Precisely. Presenting perplexing puzzles precipitates a ponderous plethora of peculiar pointers to ponder.

Mr. Emu: The puzzle being this one, and the pointers being hints...

Kurt: Uh-oh, guys. I was just reading over this narrative, and I made a mistake. When Mr. Emu first arrived, I forgot to say "Hi."

Mr. Emu: Do you know, Kurt, that you just jumped out of your proper POV?

Sam: An egregious action! And excuse me, Emu, but end your aping my everlasting alliteration! Simply cease!

Kurt: Now you're using assonance. You've gone over the top!

Sam: Besides, it's all subterfuge. You realize that, don't you?

Kurt: Criticizing a zealous fellow for a little pizzazz?

Sam: Pizzazz?

Kurt: Yes, pizzazz! Say, elucidate me on said "subterfuge", if you will.

Sam: Well, alliteration and assonance point one way, but a superior tip would primarily point in the opposite.

Mr. Emu: Enough, you fool!

Kurt: Right! You'll give it away!

Sam: My, my, getting all the blame, am I?

Kurt: Now you've gone to far! Rhyming is irrelevant! Such tricks will just slow them down!

Mr. Emu: Or stop them entirely, the way he's going.

Sam: Eureka! You aren't acquainted with the answer either, are you!?

Kurt: I will be soon!

Sam: Of course, considering all the clues you've connived!

Kurt: I still don't know the answer. The question is, could anyone?

Mr. Emu: No. Not until much later.

Sam: Not until the end, even.

Kurt: Is there a prize?

Mr. Emu: Yes. One drachma.

Kurt: I don't believe that.

Sam: Thee thinkst it's that much?

Kurt: Yes.

Mr. Emu: Besides, what's a drachma?

Kurt: Forget it. It's irrelevant, right, Sam?

Sam: Sam says its so, except in an extremely subtle sense, yes.

Kurt: Wait!

Mr. Emu: What for?

Kurt: For the thought I'm having. Give me a minute, Mr. Emu!

Mr. Emu: How long must we wait, pray tell?

Kurt: You sure are waiting impatiently.

Mr. Emu: It's my nature.

Kurt: Okay. It doesn't really matter what we say, does it, Sam? This is all a bunch of bull!

Sam: Maybe you should mention your marvelous mentation to Mr. Emu...

Kurt: For example, the puzzle is still solvable, even if I just shout, "Rutabagas!"

Mr. Emu: True. But the author would never have allowed you to say "Spaghetti!"

Kurt: There you go again, escaping your POV.

Sam: Forget that, friends. Let's furnish a final hint before we depart from this daunting dialogue.

Kurt: I second that notion.

Mr. Emu: Okay. Do they need good grammar? You know, never missing a comma?

Sam: Gifts with grammar are gratuitous. It can be entirely improper.

Kurt: Okay, we can forget about grammar.

Mr. Emu: And if their spelling isn't exactly pro forma?

Sam: I'd say so what.

Mr. Emu: Yoo meen that? Truli?

Kurt: Yoo herd whut hee sed. Wee muste beleev.

Sam: Kurt, this is too maniacal for me. I think it's time to terminate.